cancer, cancer everywhere...

I was diagnosed with stage 1 Chondrosarcoma in my left tibia on August 17th, 2009 after I started having sharp pains in my leg. At one point my whole leg swelled and became so tender I couldn't walk on it. An MRI picked up the top 1/...3 of the tumor. After the initial surgery to remove the cancer I had 2 more surgeries back-to-back, 2 months later for a severe infection. I also had a pathological fracture which is rare. I was home from the hospital after the emergency surgeries for the infection for only 10 days when the entire bone fractured. So far I have spent 98 days as an inpatient since last Sept. The last [hopefully] surgery in April was a must as my leg was grossly deformed and I was in a lot of pain. I was told if I didn't have the surgery I would be crippled for life. It was a tough surgery. They had to remove my tibia and scrape out all the metal rods, cement, etc., and replace it with a metal plate, bone from a bone bank, as well as bone from my hip. I had to have 3 blood transfusions and at one point I stopped breathing. It hurt like bloody hell....and still does. All the surgeries have damaged my lymphatic system [ I had all the lymph nodes in my pelvis and groin removed in a prior surgery in 2006 for ovarian cancer] so that now I have lymphedema. So far I've been hospitalized for 2 very serious bouts of cellulitis. It's now almost September--one year since the initial surgery and I still walk with a walker, or crutches and wear a full leg brace. I have chronic pain intense enough that I am on round the clock opiates. I know my surgery leg is shorter than the other one because I walk with a very pronounced limp. I was a skater. I have to get used to saying 'was' because I know I will never skate again. I'm grateful I still have my leg, but I'm exhausted from the fight. I don't even feel like a person anymore, I feel like a patient, and I don't want to be a patient. WHEN is this going to end?..........